


a village

by nsofties



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dick Jokes, Friends to Lovers, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung-centric, M/M, and really really scared, doyoung is just really in love with johnny, like really really in love with johnny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 08:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19103017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nsofties/pseuds/nsofties
Summary: Regardless of his fears, Doyoung has found one big home. A village, really. Johnny is just the foundation - his house in a small town filled with people he loves. He’s thought about how grateful he is a lot, lately. Not that it’s a bad thing or anything.





	a village

**Author's Note:**

> [this thread](https://twitter.com/nsofties/status/1135474808509124609), but compiled into a fic, with a nice little extra at the end.  
>  **do not repost anywhere. ask for permission before translating.**

**Johnny**

 

**iMessage**

**Today** 2:11 PM

what’s good

not ur dick game

 

Doyoung feels smug when he sends the message. Can almost feel Johnny’s disbelief turn into anger from across the table. He had asked what’s good and Doyoung had answered appropriately. He can’t get angry over honesty. Johnny’s mouth opens and closes in disbelief and Doyoung can  _ feel _ the shitshow that’s approximately five seconds from occurring.

Placing his phone back on the table, he sends a swift kick to Johnny’s shin before listening to Taeyong’s story. It’s not the most riveting, but Doyoung’s fondness for the man overrides the threatening boredom. Johnny’s knee hits the table and Doyoung bites back a laugh.

Lunch, from that point on, proceeds relatively normally, Taeyong either not noticing or not commenting on the weird vibe between the two of them. Instead, he talks about his internship for the upcoming summer. Doyoung is, for what it’s worth, proud of Taeyong, who managed to recover his GPA after horrendous Freshman and Sophomore years. Life is hard and Doyoung gets it. Maybe not the exact way Taeyong felt it, but he gets the gist. Knows that things get out control quickly.

“So you’re spending spring break looking at apartments?” asks Doyoung, smile wide. “Fun!”

“I wouldn’t say it’ll be fun, but it’ll be an adventure. My sister is coming out to help me. I’m excited for that.” Taeyong kicks his feet a little before turning to his roommate. “Johnny. Now’s your chance to sleep with anyone who’s left on campus over spring break.”

Johnny chokes on his IPA as Doyoung cackles, head thrown back and mouth wide. They’re probably disturbing other patrons, but Doyoung can’t really seem to care because this feels a bit like fate. Johnny seethes over his IPA and Doyoung replies with a shit-eating grin.

“Yeah, Johnny. Now’s your chance,” he chimes in, voice sweet and eyes lit up.

“I already have someone on my mind.”

Doyoung pushes down the feeling rising in the back of his mind as he sits up straighter, hands clasped together.

Taeyong taps his fingers together as he hums. “Oh! That’s... good. Are they... he... she... nice?”

“He’s a bit of a bitch sometimes, but I don’t mind him overall.”

“Well, go for it I guess?” says Taeyong with mild confusion. “What about you, Doyoung?”

“I don’t know. I have an online GRE course.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “But good luck, Johnny. You’ll need it.”

He just barely escapes Johnny, paying for his lunch and racing out of the restaurant and back to campus in record time. By the time Johnny finds him, he’s studying with Soonyoung and Jihoon, only offering a sickly sweet smile as penance.

Johnny flips him off. “Fine. Later.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“My dick game is strong, thank you!” bites out Johnny. Doyoung pointedly ignores him, instead choosing to focus on his textbook on evolutionary mechanisms. All he offers is a hum and a soft sigh in reply, riling up Johnny further. “Seriously! I just don’t want to -“

“That’s nice, John. Can you pass me back my calculator?”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“I don’t think you really deserve the energy for active listening, but fine. What have you been shouting about since you got to my apartment, Johnny? What did I do?” Johnny studies his face, watches the shit-eating grin spread across Doyoung’s face. He clenches his fists, wrinkling Doyoung’s duvet, before taking a deep breath.

“My dick game is good.”

“Right. Keep telling yourself that, dear.” Doyoung grabs his calculator on his own and turns back to the problem set.

“Doyoung!”

“Johnny! I have a problem set due by midnight! I need to finish this!”

In response, Johnny kicks his chair and flops backwards onto his bed like a petulant child. “We’ll talk after then.”

“Or you can just go home and we can talk later.”

“Talk later is just Doyoung for never talk about it, though,” says Johnny, turning his head to look at Doyoung. He hums noncommittally, refusing to look towards Johnny. He can hear the pout in his best friend’s voice. Doesn’t want to see it - knows he’ll give in.

“Wow. You caught me. Darn.” Doyoung’s voice is monotonous and he seems largely unaffected by his taller friend’s presence until said friend is draping his long body over his and loudly talking about what a bad friend he is.

“You know, Taeyong wouldn’t do this to me! He’d be supportive and tell me my dick game is strong! You just wound me, Doyo. An arrow straight through my heart.”

“... Shame,” mutters Doyoung, struggling to focus on his work.

“Doyo.”

“Johnny.”

“Doyo!”

“What, John.”

When he turns his head, he pretends that his breath isn’t caught in his throat from how close Johnny’s face is. His fight-or-flight instincts kick in, but all he does is freeze, hoping his expression doesn’t betray him. Johnny’s brow is slightly furrowed as he stares quietly.

“Love you.”

Doyoung hates it. Hates when Johnny says that so casually, grinning like a child on Christmas as he throws his body back onto the bed and opens up his book for that poetry class he didn’t need to take but did anyways. Hates how he doesn’t expect a reply, not that he’ll ever get one from Doyoung.

“By the way. I’m staying until we’re done so you can’t escape this conversation.”

“I don’t want to talk about your dick game. It was a joke.”

“My ego doesn’t think it was a joke!”

“I don’t care about your ego or your dick game!”

Johnny continues to periodically annoy him throughout the evening and into the night until Doyoung has sent the problem set to his professor. When he hits send, Johnny’s incessant kicking of his chair stops and he sits rim-rod straight, looking like a giant dog. Doyoung frantically pushes the thought from his head.

“Okay. What did you want to talk about?”

“You forgot already?”

“Honestly? Yeah. It’s been a long day. I’ve been up since five - when my grad student called me to check the -80℃ since I’m closer to campus.”

Johnny’s expression falls a little as he packs up his things. Doyoung peers at him curiously, head tilting as he pats the now neatened bed. “You should sleep, then.”

“You’re conceding?”

“Well, you can’t escape me, so we can just talk about this later.”

“... What.”

“Sleep. You need it, Doyoung. More than me, probably, and I’m always itching for more sleep.”

“Okay. Thanks for dropping it.”

“For now.”

“Right. For now.”

Johnny gives him this goofy smile and one-armed hug that Doyoung pretends doesn’t put his heart into overdrive before leaving Doyoung’s apartment. He doesn’t really sleep that well, but he doesn’t sleep horribly either.

It’s just... okay.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Doyoung wakes up to a message from Johnny at nine in the morning.  _ You up? _ it reads. Blinking slowly, Doyoung types back,  _ What am I? A glorified booty call? _ , following up with,  _ It’s Sunday. I’m going back to bed. _ This earns him thirty more texts and twelve missed calls.

He doesn’t care, though. Sleeps through them until his natural internal clock wakes him up in tandem with sporadic knocks at his door.

“Doyoung! Let me in!” shouts Johnny through the door.

“Shut up!” groans Doyoung. Rolling out of bed, he shoves his feet into the pair of bunny slippers Ten got him as a gag gift two Christmases ago and shuffles across his apartment to whip open the door.

“Hi.”

“What. What could you want from me on a Sunday?”

“Well. I brought you pizza since it’s, you know, the afternoon. And. I want to explain how my dick game is good. I even have a PowerPoint.”

Doyoung stares at his best friend in a mix of awe and horror until Johnny shoves his way inside, kicking the door closed behind him.

“Also, your bedhead’s cute.”

He scrambles to smooth down his hair as he trails behind Johnny as he sets things up in his apartment. Ignores the loud noise in his chest and instead nags Johnny.

“Coasters! We need coasters! Don’t just put those soda cans on my table! And napkins! I swear if you get grease on my tab -“

“Settle down, Doyo. I got this.”

“Last time you said that, you set dinner on fire.”

“That was one time! Will you or Taeyong ever let me live it down?”

“No.”

Johnny picks Doyoung up and places him on the couch like a child as he plugs his computer into the television using an HDMI cord. The PowerPoint isn’t even nicely decorated and Doyoung can tell that Johnny was probably doing this for shits and giggles. Doyoung is neither shitting nor giggling. If anything, he wants to go to bed.

“Today I will be telling you all -“

“It’s just me.”

“ _ Today _ . I will be telling.  _ You _ .  _ All _ . About my dick game and why it’s good.”

“Jesus Christ.”

Doyoung sits through a thirty-three minute presentation that’s just a glorified retelling of the time Ten and Johnny got bored and measured the size of their dicks. He’s heard this story enough times that Doyoung can even mutter the dialogue under his breath.

Clapping his hands together, Doyoung finishes his slice of pizza and stands. “Okay! Thanks for that lovely story that I have heard before, though not with so much detail. Please leave.”

“Excuse me, sir. We are now opening for discussion. Either sit back down or leave quietly.”

“John... I... Johnny this is my apartment.”

“ _ And _ ?”

Doyoung stares at Johnny incredulously before he slumps back onto the couch, though not before grabbing another slice. He can already tell the few hours he’ll spend awake this Sunday are going to be exhausting.

“Opinions on whether or not my dick game is good?”

“Dick size doesn’t correlate with dick game, doofus,” grumbles Doyoung, chewing thoughtfully. “Isn’t it like, it’s not the size that matters but the way you use it? You having a big dick means nothing about your dick game.”

“... Yes, but -“

“Listen. I sent that text in good fun. My intentions were not to start a fight. Please don’t go around campus asking people if you having a big dick means you’re good in bed. I just want to watch Historical Roasts on Netflix.”

“... Okay, but my dick game?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Johnny. If I say it’s good will you leave me alone?”

“No! I need a yes with concrete evidence! Citations! A compliment or two for my dick.”

“You’re absolutely insufferable. Either turn on Historical Roasts or get out.”

“... Can we watch The Office instead?”

“Johnny.”

They stare one another down before Johnny eventually gives in, logging into Netflix and turning on Historical Roasts. Doyoung tries not to think about how Johnny naturally curls up around Doyoung, offering poorly timed commentary and asking him pestering questions.

“Hey, Doyo?”

“What.”

“... Thanks.”

Doyoung furrows his brow as he turns towards Johnny who eats a piece of pizza instead of elaborating further. Shaking his head, he prays to whatever higher power is out there that Johnny can’t hear his heart.

“You’re welcome, I guess.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


"This is your own fault," deadpans Kun. He has no sympathy as he skims his reading for class. Doyoung glares at him from underneath Kun's covers where Ten snickers beside him.

"That doesn't mean I like it!"

"You like his attention," chides Ten, shaking his head. "Just admit it."

"You two are terribly unsupportive friends," mutters Doyoung with a pout.

"And? I'm letting you hide out in my apartment this weekend." Kun's words humble Doyoung as he sinks further under the covers. "Anyways, aren't you curious about who he wants to sleep with?"

"I'm trying not to think about that part."

"I can't believe he brought up the dick-measuring story again."

"You two are just mad you haven't measured yours yet," says Ten with a sniff.

Kun stares at Ten as if he has five heads before going back to his reading. "Yeah. That's it."

Before Ten can reply, there's a knocking at the door. All of them recognize the bizarre and erratic pattern of knocking and Doyoung groans, pulling the blanket over his head.

"I'll get it!" shouts Ten, jumping out of bed to answer the door. "Johnny-boy! What's good!"

"Hey, Ten. Is Doyoung here? He hasn't replied to me all weekend and his phone is dead. Just trying to exercise all avenues before I freak out over him being dead in a ditch or something."

"Nope," calls Kun from his room, peering at Doyoung's head that peeks out. "Not here."

"Oh. Okay."

"I'd go ask Soonyoung? They're pretty close, aren't they?"

"Soonyoung?"

"Yeah! A kinesiology major - he and Doyoung had Biology together. Or Jihoon - a music major. I'd check with them," says Ten quickly, stepping in front of Johnny.

"Oh. Thanks."

There are a few beats of silence before the door closes and Doyoung emerges from underneath the blankets. Kun is already turning on his phone, tossing it to him. 

"Answer him. And then you better deadass sprint back to your apartment."

"But -"

"Now."

"... Yes mom."

"I'm not your mom!"

"Kun mama!" shouts Ten with giddy laughter.

"I'm not your moms!"

"Kun mama!" shout Doyoung and Ten in unison.

Doyoung does reply to Johnny after a while, once he's settled in his apartment. He feels like his body is melting into the couch. It’s comfortable. Protection. Sometimes he just needs some time to get his heart under control.

 

**Johnny**

 

**iMessage**

**Today** 11:47 AM

hey

not dead

just in my apartment

guess my phone died and i didn’t realize it

stop by later

i guess

  
  


The reply is instantaneous, Johnny sending a short, _ Oh! Okay! On my way! _

Johnny is soon at Doyoung's door with his laptop and a backpack full of snacks. He doesn't ask any questions or say anything about how Doyoung clearly ghosted him over the weekend. Instead, he turns on Historical Roasts and passes Doyoung the dried squid. He's oddly far away on the couch, but Doyoung doesn't say anything, just takes the chance to sprawl out and lay over Johnny's lap as the show plays on the television screen. It's quiet, but there's something slightly different about the quiet they find themselves in today.

Despite it all, Johnny cards his fingers through Doyoung's hair, laughs at all the right moments, and lets the weirdness flow away. Sometimes it's just like that. Johnny orders them chicken and they eat as the tension leaves. Eventually, they're back to normal and just like that,

Johnny sends him a shit-eating grin.

"So."

"No! No, I am not entertaining conversations about dick size today, Johnny."

"Please?"

"No."

"At least measure yours!"

Doyoung stares at him as if he's insane before shaking his head. Maybe the weird atmosphere was better.

  
  
  
  
  
  


"We are all gathered here to today to measure our dicks."

"Nope. Nope, nope, nope. I'm out of here. Come on, Doyoung. Let's go." Kun links his arms with Doyoung and pulls him off Johnny and Taeyong's couch. "It is a Tuesday evening, Johnny. Tuesday!"

"Lighten up!" shouts Ten.

“It’s ten PM on a Tuesday. Some of us have morning classes tomorrow.”

“Yeah, and you and Doyoung aren’t one of them,” shoots back Ten.

“No, but both of us have been up since six this morning.”

“We were asked to help with public outreach. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Just! Measure your dicks! And then you can go home!”

“I would rather fail and have to take a fifth year,” deadpans Doyoung.

Johnny frowns at his best friend, standing up. “Measure your dick.”

“No!”

“Measure it!”

“No!”

“Are they really fighting over this?”

“Why won’t you measure it!”

“Because it’s big enough! I don’t need to know the exact length!”

“Just measure it!”

“Fine! Give me the fucking tape measure!”

It’s silent as Doyoung stomps into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Everyone waits with bated breath. Minutes later, their group chat is lit up, everyone’s phone going off in unison. Ten makes a sound between a scream and a laugh as he reads the message. Taeyong’s jaw drops.

“ _ Holy shit _ ,” whispers Yuta.

“Doyoung! Let me see your dick!” shouts Jaehyun, slamming his fist on the door.

“No! Fuck off!”

In the chaos, Kun stares at Johnny who holds a hand over his mouth before whispering to himself, “ _ Jesus Christ _ .”

“Our boy is big!” cheers Ten.

“Knock it off!”

“Is that hard or flaccid?”

“No!”

“Answer me, Doie!”

“ _ No _ !”

“Hard,” mutters Taeyong. “Definitely hard.”

“Hurry up! I’m measuring mine next!” shouts Yuta, crowding the doorway with Jaehyun.

“What have you done?” asks Taeil, speaking for the first time that night.

“I don’t even know,” says Johnny.

The night is chaotic but the atmosphere isn’t weird. If anything, it’s comfortable, and Doyoung slamming the tape-measure into Yuta’s stomach earns a laugh. Arms crossed, he looks down at Johnny whose mouth opens and closes for several minutes before he speaks.

“Oh my God.”

“Why are you saying oh my God? Mine is slightly over average! Yours is a fucking longsword!”

Ten chokes on his spit as Doyoung speaks and Taeil groans into a throw pillow from the couch.

“Oh my  _ God _ ,” mutters Yuta, hands pressed to his cheeks. “You two should have a  _ sword fight _ with your  _ dicks _ .”

“What? Yuta, no!”

“Do it!” shouts Jaehyun from in the bathroom.

Their phones ring again and Ten cackles. “Jaehyun should join in, too!”

“We are not sword fighting with our dicks!”

“Do it!” shouts Yuta.

“I... how are we all friends. What did I do wrong?”

Kun rubs Doyoung’s back consolingly as he holds his head in his hands. “Nothing, Doie.”

“This feels like a perpetuation of some wild form of male dominance and probably also toxic masculinity,” says Taeil after they all settle back down. It takes a while, the chaos only growing as each friend disappears into the bathroom.

“Agreed,” says Doyoung with a frown. “Like I said, size doesn’t correlate with performance. It’s how you use it.”

“Get you a man like Doyoung,” says Yuta.

“We mean it in good fun, though.”

“If we were equating our masculinity with size it’d get dicey,” adds Jaehyun.

“Aren’t we kind of doing that, though?” asks Kun. “Also, a joke like this isn’t inclusive at all.”

“True,” says Ten.

Taeyong leans his head on his hand as he nods. “Agreed.”

Somehow, someway, Doyoung found himself a rowdy group of friends who are, at their core, good people. He’s grateful for them - that they can have discussions like this and be serious about it, but still have fun.

They end the night with pizza and Kid Gorgeous, crowded around Taeyong’s laptop, television broken in the background from an intense match of Wii bowling between Johnny and Taeil.

Amongst this group of men, Doyoung has managed to find a home away from home. For the moment, Doyoung can forget the way his heart beats too fast when Johnny smiles, and he can lean his head on Kun’s shoulder, link arms with Yuta, and feel at home. He’s lucky, Doyoung realizes. Privileged, lucky, found a group of guys that are really... special.

“I can hear you thinking,” teases Yuta, softly flicking his arm. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Doyoung?”

“Nothing. Just grateful.”

“Ugh! He got sappy!” teases Ten. They break out into laughter and Doyoung nods.

“Yeah, I did.”

Before Doyoung leaves that night, Johnny tugs on his wrist and he pauses, glancing back.

“I’m grateful for you, too,” murmurs Johnny.

Doyoung grins, wills his heart to stop beating so fast for just one more minute.

“I’d hope so.”

“Let me be sappy!”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“I’m confessing in parts,” argues Doyoung, ignoring Kun’s withering expression. He’s sprawled out on Kun’s bed as always, legs kicking in the air as he half-reads an article, half listens to Kun’s contempt.

“Or you could just,  _ I don’t know _ . Confess? What are you afraid of?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on. Ruining the friendship? Ruining the dynamic? Relationships? Commitment?”

Doyoung’s brow furrows. “Not afraid of ruining the friendship, and our dynamic is already weird. I don’t really know. I think I’m just afraid of falling in love in general.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Like, the idea of love is so abstract and different for everyone. It’s imposing and demanding and I’m not sure if I have the time or energy to give to it.” Doyoung places a sticky note on where he leaves off and rearranges himself to a sitting position. “It’s a big deal.”

“Yeah. But, isn’t that being afraid of commitment?”

“I guess it is in a way,” murmurs Doyoung, tracing patterns into the duvet. “But, it’s also just the idea of being in love. Like... it kinda feels like losing control. I don’t like that. I like being in control of myself.”

“Isn’t that part of the fun of being in love?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think it’s fun. I think it’s terrifying, to be honest.”

Kun reaches out and awkwardly pats Doyoung’s knee before retracting his hand. “You don’t have to push it.”

“I’m not gonna.” Doyoung shrugs, sighing.

“Wanna talk about something else?”

“Yeah.”

“They opened a dog café downtown last month.”

“What?”

“Yeah. We’re all so caught up with college and shit. I heard it’s less busy lately.”

“... Are you proposing we go now?”

“I mean, it’s nine in the morning on a Sunday. Why not?”

Doyoung is quick to pack up his things and shove his wallet into his back pocket, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waits for Kun by the door.

“Should we ask anyone else to come along?”

“No. Then we have to wait for them. Let’s just go! Kun and Doyoung day.”

Kun laughs as Doyoung leads him out the apartment building and down the road until he realizes he has no idea where he’s going. He’s eager to get there and Kun is, as always, a steady guide. He makes Doyoung feel like a kid again, though not in a patronizing way. The trip is filled with mindless chatter and, for the first time all day, Doyoung doesn't think of Johnny. Doesn't think of him until they're sitting in the café and Doyoung is sitting on the floor, legs in front of him, and Johnny walks by with Taeyong. Doyoung is preoccupied.

The large Samoyed is spread across his legs and he can't get up, not that he wants to, anyways. He's happy - content to let the dog use him as some sort of makeshift bed. A knocking at the window grabs his - and several dogs' - attention, Johnny waving as Taeyong hides his face.

Doyoung tentatively waves back until Kun flips Johnny the bird and mouths for him to stop making a scene. The owners of the café stare at Johnny as he walks into the building. The dogs all bark and run to greet him, though the Samoyed is content, fast asleep on Doyoung.

"Fancy seeing you here," says Johnny with a grin. "I thought you were busy today."

"We were busy, until I told Doyoung there's a dog café," laments Kun.

"You're the one who said we should go!"

"Guilty as charged."

"This guy really likes you, huh?" Johnny gestures down at the Samoyed and Doyoung positively beams as he nods his head.

"Yeah. I really like him, too. He's nice and warm."

Johnny sits down next to Doyoung and watches with something that Doyoung thinks is akin to fondness. "You should get a dog."

"I don't have time for a dog. I can barely take care of myself," groans Doyoung. "I want a time. I don't have time for a dog, though."

"Start with house plants," interjects Kun. "But don't name them. You get attached too easily."

"Do not!"

"Remember Teddy the goldfish?"

"A good goldfish," mutters Doyoung, stroking the fur of the Samoyed. He tries not to think about how Johnny showed up just as he was starting to not think about Johnny. He tries not to think about the looks that Johnny gives him. Instead, he focuses on the huge ball of fur.

Kun checks the time on his phone and grimaces. "We should head back, Doyoung. We can grab lunch on our way back to my apartment."

"Why? What time is it?"

"It's almost noon. We've spent almost three hours here. You're supposed to meet up with Soonyoung, aren't you?"

"Ah, shit. Yeah, I am." Doyoung gently wakes the dog before standing, giggling under his breath at all the dog hair everywhere. "I'll have to come back here."

"What're you meeting up with Soonyoung for?" asks Taeyong, grabbing Doyoung's attention.

"He wants to practice for a presentation he has to give in class, so he invited Wonwoo and I over," explains Doyoung, trying to brush dog fur off his butt to no avail.

"Tell him I said good luck, then."

"I will! Also, we should all grab lunch or something next weekend."

Johnny looks at him, expression carefully trained as he nods. "That'd be fun."

"I'll ask around," says Taeyong before Doyoung's mind can dwell on Johnny's expression. "You should probably get going, though."

"Oh. Shit, yeah. Jesus. Soonyoung'll have my head. See you guys, then."

"Today was a successful Kun and Doyoung day!" cheers Kun as they walk out of the café.

"Indeed it was!" says Doyoung with a smile.

While they walk to the bus, he tries not to think of the unread text messages on his phone from Johnny asking if he wanted to go to the café today.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Doyoung can feel Johnny's stare burning into the side of his head, but he continues to ignore him in favor of studying for his upcoming exam. As usual, professors are trying to jam in as much as possible before spring break, regardless of the state of their students. After hours, however, of on-and-off staring from Johnny, it gets to be too much and Doyoung pauses, turning his body towards Johnny. Leaning his head on his hand, he sighs.

"How can I help you, John?"

"What?"

"You keep staring. What can I help you with?"

"Nothing."

Doyoung raises a delicate eyebrow before shaking his head. "If you have something to say, then say it. You know that I can take whatever you have to say."

"Why didn't you just say you didn't want to go to the dog café with me on Sunday? I wouldn't have minded."

"I -"

"Actually, I would've preferred you had just told me."

"Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry." Doyoung doesn't even offer excuse. He knows that he can't just tell Johnny that he said no because it probably would've felt like a date and Doyoung just can't emotionally handle that right now.

"No reason why?"

"Not that I really want to share, no."

"Oh." Johnny looks pensive before he tilts his head to the side, mirroring Doyoung. "Will you tell me eventually?"

"Yeah."

"Is it bad?"

"No. It's not bad."

"Are you dating Kun?"

"What?  _ No _ ."

"Soonyoung?"

"Trust me, Johnny. I'm not dating anyone. I haven't gone on a date since freshman year."

Johnny studies his face carefully, eyes narrowing, until he hums, expression relaxing. They sit like that for minutes, analyzing one another - trying to figure things out.

Doyoung hopes that Johnny doesn't figure him out. He hopes that Johnny can't hear the panicked beating of his heart as he studies every inch of his face - not that Doyoung hadn't done that before during lunches and movies and walks across campus. It feels different, though.

Doyoung's eyes flit across Johnny's face, taking note of every eyelash, the curl of hair fallen across his forehead, the peaks of his cupid's bow. He pretends he hasn't thought about running his fingers through Johnny's hair and kissing him, Hallmark movies playing in the back.

It feels different, he realizes, because Johnny is doing the same to him. Doyoung wonders if he's picking out things he likes or things that are familiar. Parts of Doyoung he could recognize and parts he couldn't. His heart flutters a little.

His heart flutters until Doyoung captures it again, pulling it close to him and turning away, back to his book.  He pretends not to hear Johnny whisper, "Beautiful," under his breath as he goes back to his own work.

_ You are, too _ , he thinks.

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Well. We don't really fit in here, do we," says Taeyong, mildly amused. They're scattered around the living room, various pizzas distributed between the clusters of people. Doyoung sits on the couch and Yuta sits between his legs, chewing thoughtfully and solving a puzzle.

"What's it this time?" asks Doyoung, peering over Yuta's shoulder. 

"Sudoku."

"Oh. Fun," he replies absently.

"It keeps me sharp. I like Sudoku. You should do them. They help you just kind of... zone."

"I'll keep them in mind. They used to piss me off in elementary school."

The conversation in the apartment is muted. No one misses Johnny's tardiness to a lunch gathering in his apartment. No one comments on it, either. It's simply an unspoken observation. Doyoung pushes the observation to the farthest recesses of his mind.

Eventually Johnny does show up, the sound of the key in the door turning heads. There are bags under his eyes and he immediately tosses himself onto the couch between Doyoung and Jaehyun. His knees knock into Yuta's shoulders as he throws his arms around Doyoung, groaning.

"Hello?" asks Yuta.

"I fucking _ hate _ group projects," mutters Johnny into Doyoung's shoulder. Kun raises an eyebrow at Doyoung who scowls back.

"Oh. Word."

"Doyo. I hate my group."

"No one told you to do more than you're asked. The bare minimum is enough."

"Is it?"

"I don't know. I'm pulling this out of my ass. Do you need this to graduate?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Tough shit, then."

" _ Doyo _ . I want sympathy."

"You get no sympathy from me after forcing me to listen to you talk about your dick for thirty-three uninterrupted minutes."

"You insulted my dick game!"

"It was a  _ joke _ !"

"Dick sword fight to settle it!" says Yuta excitedly.

"We are not discussing this again," deadpans Kun from across the room. "No one is being sent to the ER with a fractured dick."

"How many times can we say dick in an hour?"

"Too many." Doyoung sighs, trying to adjust the way he's sitting. "Way too many."

"Eat some pizza. You sound hangry," shouts Taeyong from the kitchen.

"He's always hungry," says Jaehyun with a laugh.

"What did you guys order?" asks Johnny, picking up his head to peer around.

"One of each."

"What?"

"Yeah. We couldn't decide, so we decided to order one of each," answers Doyoung.

"Oh. I want veggie. And pepperoni."

"Okay, then get off me."

"No.  _ Feed me _ ."

"Get off me, you limp noodle."

" _ Feed me _ ," whines Johnny.

"I'm gonna kick your ass."

The extent of Doyoung feeding Johnny starts with prying Johnny’s arms off of him and ends with Doyoung handing him a paper plate with two slices of pizza. In the end, he sits on the floor next to Yuta, back pressed up against Johnny's legs, arm linked with Yuta's.

Eventually they're all crowded around Taeyong's laptop, again, watching The Good Place. Beside Doyoung, Yuta provides commentary as Johnny mindlessly runs his fingers through Doyoung's hair, humming and laughing along with the show. Doyoung doesn't know when he falls asleep. It's hard not to fall asleep, though, when he feels so safe. He's jostled awake as Johnny gently shakes him, calling out his name quietly.

"Doyo. Wake up. It's late."

"Don' wanna."

"Do you want to crash here?"

"Mmm."

"Okay. Come on."

"Carry me."

"Okay, you big baby."

"Your baby."

Johnny's laugh is soft and deep and familiar and it wraps around Doyoung's heart, cushioning it. Doyoung knows that's he's in too deep - that he's in love with his best friend and his best friend might just be in love with him, too.

He's scared.

Tonight, he lets it be.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Johnny is heavy. Doyoung wakes up with his body curled around his and every attempt by his sleep-logged body to remove his best friend is thwarted by his sheer size and vice-grip around Doyoung’s abdomen. It’s not uncomfortable, but Doyoung is wide awake now. He needs coffee.

It’s not going to happen anytime soon, though, he can tell as he adjusts his arm to rest around Johnny. His thumb rubs gently back and forth on his arm and Johnny murmurs in his sleep in response. A subtle muttering of nonsense paired with a smile. Doyoung’s heart leaps.

He’s in too deep. He knows he’s in too deep when this feels like this is the safest place in the world. When this feels like the apocalypse could happen and Doyoung wouldn’t be mad or sad or scared. He thinks he’d be okay. Pressing his cheek to Johnny’s head, he sighs.

The ceiling of the apartment is smooth and Doyoung wishes there was a pattern there. It used to home glow in the dark stars from one of Johnny’s ex’s, but Doyoung had helped him take them down after the break up. It was worse than Johnny would tell him, but Doyoung wouldn’t pry. He considers buying Johnny glow in the dark something for his ceiling. Or maps. Doyoung could stare at maps for days - his favorite pastime. Johnny teases him for it, but Doyoung finds it enthralling to follow the journeys of battalions as they fight for their country. Plus, being a biology major can feel monotonous.

But, for now, he stares at a blank white canvas and wonders what exactly to do. He kind of has to piss, too. That’s something he needs to take care off, though the human-shaped weight around his middle begs to differ.

“Fucking human furnace,” mutters Doyoung, kicking off the blankets. This stirs Johnny only slightly, who glances up at Doyoung with unfocused eyes and a sleepy smile before promptly falling back asleep. He curses.

Doyoung is sure Johnny could hear it. Can hear it.

His heart is running a mile a minute - sprinting a marathon, about to pass out. It flutters so much lately that Doyoung forgets what his normal heartbeat feels like. Has gotten used to the sound muffling his surroundings. It’s become a part of him. Doyoung wonders if it’ll stop. He wonders if it’ll stop if he confesses. Or if it’ll stop if Johnny confesses. Or if it’ll stop when Johnny graduates at the end of the semester and leaves Doyoung behind for a whole year.

Doyoung doesn’t want to think about that, though. He already has. There are other things. Other things to occupy the space of his mind. Like, how to remove Johnny from his body so he can use the toilet. And, where to find his backpack so he can leave and get some overpriced coffee because, damn it, he deserves it today. And, how to confess to your best friend.

That last one isn’t that pressing, though. The first two are on the top of Doyoung’s mental to-do list as he tries to sit up in bed. Johnny groans and he pulls an unimpressed face as he tries to pry Johnny’s arms off his body. He’s not gentle - Johnny’s just dead to the world.

“ _ Jesus Christ _ . I just want to piss and get some coffee. Is that too much to ask for?” grumbles Doyoung, sitting up in a mildly uncomfortable position. He’s tilted to the side due to Johnny’s weight. “Can you  _ please _ wake up?”

Johnny murmurs something in his sleep. Doyoung sighs.

A nervous, slightly shaky hand trails up Johnny’s arm, past his shoulders. Running his fingers through Johnny’s hair, he hums softly. He wanted to do this while kissing Johnny by a Christmas tree, but he supposes waking up in bed is a close second. Johnny stirs. Looks up at Doyoung with sleepy eyes and a lazy smile. Neither of them say anything when Johnny sits up, stretches, and presses a soft kiss to Doyoung’s forehead before rolling out of bed. They don’t talk about it. It’s water under the bridge when Johnny comes back and Doyoung leaves with a thanks and good bye.

He still has to piss and still wants to buy an over priced coffee because he definitely fucking deserves it after that. But, now he also has to deal with his heart trying to Usain Bolt through the marathon known as  _ Pining _ .

Doyoung runs a hand down his face and makes a call.

“Hey. Meet me at Sun and Moon in like twenty.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“You’re kidding, right?” asks Yuta, staring at Doyoung as if he kicked a puppy. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”

“I’m not kidding!”

“Doyoung, you can’t go home for spring break. Tell your parents you have something to do here, dick down - or  _ get _ dicked down by - Johnny, and ask him on a date.”

“You make it sound like it’s simple,” replies Doyoung, scrunching up his nose.

“... Because it  _ is _ that simple, Doyoung! You’ve already figured out he likes you back. What’re you waiting for? I’m sorry, but describing waking up beside someone as, ‘coming home,’ sounds like someone who just got married, not crashed the night at his best friend’s place.”

“I’m actually pretty sure I’m in love with him, actually, but sure.” Yuta stares at Doyoung, pressing his hand to his mouth. “What?”

“ _ Oh my God _ .”

“Yuta, what?”

“I can’t believe it.”

“Yuta, what are you going on about now?”

“You’re... you’re in so deep. How did I let you get here without confessing?”

“Because you’re so dramatic, I tend to ask Kun for advice.”

“ _ Ouch _ .”

“It’s true.”

“Regardless.” Yuta leans his head on his hand and studies Doyoung carefully.

“Yeah?”

“You need to tell him.”

“I know.”

“No, like Doyoung. You _ need _ to tell him. Johnny doesn’t have to wait forever for you to figure shit out.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Yes it is! Just go up to him and say, ‘Johnny, I’m in love with you.’ Honestly!”

“Okay, so it’s that easy.”

“Really, Doie. You should do it. Enough of this dancing around your fears. Sometimes you just gotta jump off that cliff.”

“I don’t like that mental image.”

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s a proverbial cliff, I know. Still scary. But you’re kind of right, I guess.”

“You guess?!”

Doyoung ignores Yuta, changes the subject. “I was never going home for spring break to begin with. I’ve been planning to stay in my apartment for spring break since Taeyong told us he was gonna be out of town for break.”

“Oh?”

“Johnny gets up to no good when he’s stuck here on his own.”

“That’s true.”

“Remember that one time we were all out of town and Johnny got written up by DPS for jumping into the fountain?”

Yuta cackles at the memory, throwing his head back as his hands rest on his stomach. They spend the rest of their time at the café recounting ridiculous stories from the past several years.

Doyoung feels a mild sense of this mix of melancholy and panic bubbling up his throat as they reminisce. He shoves it back down without a second thought. He doesn’t have time to think like that. In the end, though, spending time with Yuta puts his mind at ease.

Regardless of his fears, Doyoung has found one big home. A village, really. Johnny is just the foundation - his house in a small town filled with people he loves. He’s thought about how grateful he is a lot, lately. Not that it’s a bad thing or anything. It’s just…

“I hear your brain going a mile a minute, Doie. Don’t think too much.”

Yuta’s smile is fond and Doyoung feels his heart clench. Not the way it does for Johnny, but the way it does for his mom or his dad or his brother. A fondness that runs deep. He’s grateful for Yuta.

“You say that like I have a choice.”

“I know you don’t. Just wanted to break you out of that funk.”

“Thanks, Yuta.”

“No problem. My advice wasn’t so shitty, huh?”

“I mean, it  _ was _ shitty.” Doyoung giggles behind his hand at Yuta’s affronted expression. “It was shitty, but it was from  _ you _ , so I needed to hear it, anyways.”

Laughing, Yuta shrugs. “You knew it all along.”

“Yeah, but sometimes you need someone to remind you.”

“I guess.”

“So, thanks.”

Yuta gets it this time - that the thanks is a little deeper, a little wider, than the surface. That Doyoung thanks him for his shitty advice and his companionship and his camaraderie and just. Existing. He smiles, softer, more in the eyes this time.

“No. Thank you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hey, Jae.”

“Doyoung! What’s up?” Jaehyun adjusts the strap of his backpack as he slows his pace to wait for Doyoung to catch up.

“Ready for spring break. You?”

“Seconded. I need it bad. All my professors decided we should have completed drafts of our major research papers done for this week. I’m barely keeping my head above water this week.”

“Same. So many exams, so little time.”

They meander across campus at a snail’s pace, chatting about anything, really - the weather, classes, that shitty professor who still teaches the intro to writing class. It’s comfortable. Pausing, Jaehyun blinks rapidly before pivoting his head back and forth.

“I’m surprised Johnny isn’t with you. You two are usually attached at the hip.”

“Not always! I’ve got my own schedule.”

“Wanna grab a snack with me at the café, then?”

“Sure! I’ve been craving their cranberry muffins,” Doyoung says with a grin.

“Anyways. Yuta’s been keeping me updated. How’s the whole Johnny situation?”

“Fine.”

“Nice.” Doyoung raises an inquisitive eyebrow and Jaehyun laughs. “What?”

“You’re never curious.”

“You two have been dancing around one another for years now. It’s about time.” Jaehyun shrugs, opening the door for Doyoung. “Why? Just because I’m aromantic I can’t be interested in my friends’ love lives?”

“What? Jaehyun, no! That’s not what I meant at all!”

“I’m just teasing. I know,” says Jaehyun with a grin and a wink. “You’d never say something like that. I’m just genuinely curious. You seemed pretty... thoughtful? The past few weeks.”

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking of if I should tell him how I feel or not. Yuta said it’s as simple as just saying, ‘I love you.’”

“It is.”

“I mean, yeah, but also  _ no _ .”

“But also  _ yeah _ . Everything you do is within your control. Like, I wanted this pumpkin muffin, so I bought it.”

“Okay, but it’s a little more complicated -“

“It doesn’t have to be that complicated. You’re just making it complicated.” Jaehyun stares at Doyoung before muttering under his breath, “ _ Stupid fucking headass _ .”

“ _ Excuse me _ ?”

“You heard me!”

“I did, but -“

“You’re being a headass, Doyoung. Just tell him.  _ Please _ . For all of us.  _ Tell him _ .”

Doyoung stares at Jaehyun, lips pursed. “I will, but also I’m still offended you called me stupid.”

“Not a headass?”

“No. We both know I’m a headass. But I’m not stupid.”

Jaehyun shoots him a look that says  _ I beg to differ _ as he takes a bite of his muffin. He doesn’t have to say anything - Doyoung frowns back and they communicate through facial expressions for seven minutes, much to the confusion of the other patrons of the small campus café.

“Okay, maybe I’m a little stupid -“

“He admits it!”

“ _ Just a little _ .”

“A lot stupid. But, it’s why we love you, Doyoung. You may not have everything together, but you sure as hell give it your best effort.”

“We all do.”

“True. But sometimes you just pull it off a tad bit better. I think it’s the turtlenecks.”

Doyoung laughs as their conversation devolves again to a casual pace. In the back of his mind, Doyoung’s made his decision. Knows what he needs to do. Knows he has the courage to do it.

Spring break feels like both a welcome distraction and an overwhelming hurdle he needs to overcome.

He thinks he can do it.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Doyoung kicks his legs as he sits on Kun’s counter, watching as he packs up. They don’t talk as the exhaustion from the week hits them. He’s made up his mind, but he still wishes Kun could be around, just in case. Crossing his ankles, he hums thoughtfully, leaning back. This catches Kun’s attention as he straightens up to stare at Doyoung who looks pensive on the counter. A smile emerges until he laughs.

“What? What’s funny?” asks Doyoung with a frown.

“Everything’s gonna be fine, Doyoung.”

“Doesn’t matter. I still wish you were close by.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m still just a phone call away, though. I promise I’ll pick up. I’ll drop anything for you.”

“I know. That’s why we’re best friends.”

“Well, fuck you, too!” says Ten with a snort, emerging from his room.

“Yeah, fuck you.” 

Ten flips him the bird and Doyoung returns it in kind. Rolling his eyes, Kun bends back down to zip up his suitcase. This is normal and sometimes Kun wishes it wasn’t. But, as Doyoung hops down and unhooks the god-awful apron from the coat rack to start dinner, Kun is glad for the chaotic dynamic they have.

“What’s on the menu tonight, Chef Doyoung?” quips Ten, sliding into a seat.

“A nice piping hot bowl of  _ Eat Whatever I Make You  _ with a side of  _ I Don’t Take Criticism _ ,” retorts Doyoung.

“You want help?” asks Kun, leaning on the doorway. “I’m more than happy to help.”

“I’m okay. Let me cook. You have to drive to the airport. I can handle this.”

“Okay. But, if you do. I’m here. I have two hands. I can help.” Kun pauses, waiting for a reply. When he doesn’t receive one, he sits at the table.

Doyoung works quietly and efficiently, occasionally snapping at Ten’s impatience. But, it’s normal. It’s comfortable. It soothes the frayed ends of Doyoung’s nerves as he goes through the motions, cooking the familiar recipe of kimchi jjigae like autopilot for him.

Unlike the cooking process, eating is filled with silence, the occasional, “Can You Pass Me The Thing Over There,” popping in and out.  When they finish, Ten helps Kun with the dishes as Doyoung sits at the table, humming along to a song. He scrolls through his phone, occasionally liking a tweet or Facebook post from friends or family.

“Want dessert? We have some ice cream we should get rid of before we go,” says Kun, turning to Doyoung who stares back at him with glassy eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“That sounds like a no,” says Ten softly. He gently pushes Doyoung to the side until they’re sharing the chair. His arms wrap around Doyoung as he lays his head on his shoulder. “Scared, huh?”

“Yeah. Really scared.”

“No need,” murmurs Kun softly. He walks to Doyoung’s other side, smoothing down his hair as Ten hums in agreement. “It’s okay, but there’s no need.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m just scared because I’m about the confess to the man I fell for when I saw him walking across the campus freshman year.”

“Life is weird like that, huh?” says Ten with a comforting smile.

“Yeah. Life is weird.”

“If you’re not ready, you don’t have to.”

“No. I’m ready. But...”

“But that doesn’t make it any less terrifying,” finishes Kun when the words are stuck in his throat.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be on the earliest flight back if you need me, Dodo. _ Always _ . You give me a call and I’ll be on my way back to you,” says Ten quietly.

“Both of us will be.”

As they slip into silence, Doyoung wonders how to put into words how grateful he is to Kun and Ten. It was a bit like fate that they were shoved into a triple together freshman year - at one another’s throats every day. In the end, all it did was bring them together, even if Doyoung is still a bit bitter about Ten never taking out the trash.

He has a village and a house in the village. Ten and Kun live right next door, close to his heart, though not directly in it. Their love and affection flow freely through his veins, keeping him alive. He wonders where he would be without them. Who he would be without them.

With Kun and Ten by his side, Doyoung feels invincible. He’s scared, but he knows everything will be okay.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Johnny shifts and Doyoung huffs as he's forced to pick up his head until he's settled again. He says something, but Doyoung tunes him out, eyes focused on the video playing on his laptop. It's an old video of all of them - he can hear Ten's shouts in the background. It's focused on Doyoung, though, who focuses intently as he waves the wand for the giant bubbles around. Yuta cackles as he can't form one, and eventually Kun steps in to stop Ten's screaming and help Doyoung. The memory is fond for Doyoung - the first vacation they all took together. It feels forever ago, even if it was this time last year. He wishes that they were on the beach together again this year, too. Spring break, even with Johnny, feels empty without everyone else.

All the houses in the village are empty except for his. 

The next video autoplays and Doyoung stifles a giggle behind his hand. It's a video of the time they all got drunk in Taeyong's old apartment and Jaehyun broke the table dancing on it. At the time it was frightening until Jaehyun jumped back and they all cheered, raucous and stupid drunk. He knows it was stupid and, to be honest, they're still stupid. Just older, really none the wiser. Jaehyun still tries to dance on tables when he's drunk and they all still let him.

Doyoung thinks that it's a cycle that should eventually stop before someone - Jaehyun - is hurt, but then it also means addressing the way that Yuta tends to rip his shirts off and sprint down the sidewalk when it's cold outside.

Doyoung's friends give him a headache, but he loves them terribly. Wonders how they're all doing at home.

The next video plays and Doyoung groans as Johnny cackles. 

Taeyong had caught on camera the first time that Johnny and Ten recounted their story of measuring their dicks. To the side you can see Doyoung's unimpressed expression as he stands up and walks out the apartment, his exit only indicated by the sound of the door opening and closing. Before the next video can play, Johnny sits up, stopping the videos.

"On the topic of my dick and therefore my dick game -"

"Shut  _ up _ about your giant fucking dick for  _ one second _ . It’s my turn.”

" _ Holy shit _ ."

"Johnny."

"Okay. Okay, okay. Shutting up."

"Interrupt me with something about your dick and I'm walking out of here."

"Got it."

"I'm serious, Johnny."

"And I'm serious."

When Doyoung looks at him, Johnny's mouth is set in a straight line, eyebrows relaxed.

"Okay," Doyoung says. "Okay. Can I talk? And can you just. Not interrupt me? Like, at all?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Doyoung sits up, wiping his sweaty hands on his sweatpants before clearing his throat. "When I think about the people I love, I see a village. Or a town. Or... whatever. And it's just everyone I love, really, in every different way. There's... organization to it. And, you know, people move out, and sometimes they move back in. People build new houses and tear down old ones. The people close to me - they live near, and those I'm starting to forget, they live farther away. But you..."

Doyoung's brow furrows - he doesn't know how to explain this part to Johnny. In fact, he's not really sure how to form the feelings into thoughts in his own head. How Johnny is his home - but, also, he's Johnny's. How Johnny lives in his heart. How Johnny will always be there, even when he's not. Doyoung chews on his bottom lip as he searches for the right words. His hands fumble together as he adjusts the way he sits, biding time.

Johnny is patient with him - Johnny is always patient with him, really. Doyoung never feels rushed with Johnny - perhaps his heart does, but his mind always knows that Johnny will wait. His mind knows that Johnny will always wait for Doyoung to be ready. Perhaps that's one of the millions of ways that Doyoung loves him. Johnny raises a hand and pushes Doyoung's hair back from his forehead. On instinct, Doyoung closes his eyes.

"You live the closest, really. In a way, you don't even live away from me. You're always with me. It's nice," Doyoung says softly, opening his eyes to stare at his hands. "I didn't think you'd end up there, I don't think. You always lived sort of close. And one day, I woke up, and you were beside me. Sort of like, protecting me, I guess. I'm not sure from what, but... there you were. And I didn't have the heart to ask you to leave. Didn't want you to leave, really. And it's all of this... All of this convoluted extended metaphor to tell you that the reason you're always there - that I can't entertain the idea of asking you to leave - is because I love you.

"I don't know when, or how, it escalated to this. When it changed from thinking I could listen to your laugh on repeat to thinking you have the kindest eyes to loving you. I don't regret it, though. It makes me happy, even when it doesn't." Doyoung wrings his hands nervously as he refuses to look up. "You don't have to say anything. Actually, part of me thinks it might be better if you don't, but I know you will, anyways. But, I love you. And even if you don't love me back, that's okay, because I'm happy having you here."

When he finally - finally - looks up, Johnny's expression catches him off guard. Doyoung stops breathing for a moment, unsure of what to do. The way that Johnny looks at him is the same way that Doyoung knows he looks right back. There's something infinitely gentle about the way that Johnny reaches out and takes his hand hesitantly, rubbing circles on Doyoung's palm with his thumb. They sit like that for minutes, Johnny letting Doyoung's words sink in and Doyoung letting Johnny calm him down. Even with his heart laid bare in front of him, Doyoung feels calm with Johnny by his side.

"Can you close your eyes?" murmurs Johnny softly.

"Okay," says Doyoung. He trusts Johnny. Trusts him to hear the thundering sound of Doyoung's heart as he closes his eyes, lets Johnny hold his face in his hands.

"I want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to kiss you."

"Okay."

"I want you to hear me. I want you to know that I love you like the tide loves the moon. That the same way you keep me close to your heart, I keep you close to mine. Without you, the world is darker, quieter, restless. There are so many words I want to say, but I like to think we have time to say them. So, I'm going to kiss you."

Doyoung smiles. "Okay."

It isn't fireworks when Johnny presses his lips on his. It isn't groundbreaking or new or adventurous. It's familiar and gentle and everything that Doyoung uses to describe home. Doyoung knows he's crying, knows he's smiling as Johnny smiles right back. Feels Johnny's thumb wipe away tears as he pulls back, only to press a soft kiss to each eyelid, each cheek, his forehead. With Johnny, Doyoung feels safe. Wants to curl into and live in this feeling for the rest of his life.

When he opens his eyes, he thinks that if he could give Johnny the world and move a few mountains for him, he would. He also thinks that Johnny feels the same. A hesitant hand tugs Johnny closer. A smile, a little laughter, a lot of love. Doyoung closes his eyes and lets Johnny guide him, kisses mixed with soft murmurs of affirmation - gentle I love you's and firm I'm not going anywhere's. He wonders why he was so scared, so hesitant, so unsure, when Johnny was always there. Has always been there. Will always be there, even if he's thousands of miles away. Johnny links their pointer fingers together as he smiles against Doyoung's lips - a big smile that makes Doyoung laugh.

"What?" he asks, leaning back to look at Johnny, who sighs.

"There are moments where I'm truly speechless - that I wish I could put into words how much I love you. I don't know if I'll ever truly be able to, but I hope one day I can."

Doyoung hums thoughtfully, letting Johnny pull him close, tug him back down so his head is resting on Johnny's chest. The sound of his heart is like a train and Doyoung knows that Johnny can hear his, as well. The love he feels for Johnny in monumental, overwhelming, and safe. He wants to take this feeling and tuck it away on his shelves. He wants this forever.

He thinks that with Johnny, there might be one of those forever's waiting for him. Forever, and maybe even an extra day.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

**Johnny**

 

**iMessage**

**Today** 11:53 PM

what’s good

not ur dick game

doyo :(

i’m kidding come back

 

Doyoung giggles, looking up from his phone to his fiancé, who pouts in the doorway to their hotel room. Putting his phone to the side, Doyoung opens his arms and watches as Johnny sulks with every step from the door to his arms. Eventually they’re both tucked into bed, the only light coming from the bathroom door cracked open a hair.

“Nervous?” he whispers into the dark.

Johnny laughs, the sound blanketing Doyoung as he closes his eyes, pulls himself closer. “No. Not nervous. I knew I wanted to marry you from the moment I realized I was in love.”

“Me, too, I think.”

“You think?”

“Being beside you was enough, I think.”

“... You think?”

“I think a lot.”

Laughter. “Yeah. You do think a lot.”

Doyoung thinks that, tomorrow, his village will seem a lot closer. That no one will be home - but it’s because they’ll be in his house.  _ Their  _ house. It’s not quite Johnny’s house and it’s not quite Doyoung’s. The semantics of  _ who _ owns the house doesn’t really matter anymore, though.

In Doyoung’s proverbial village, there is a house. Really, there are many houses, but his is important. It has  _ always _ held his heart, but now it holds one more.

“You’re doing it again,” interjects Johnny.

“Doing what?”

“Thinking.”

Smiling, Doyoung listens to the sound of Johnny’s heart. “Yeah. I think a lot.”

It’s always been a house for two.

**Author's Note:**

> find me here:  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/nsofties)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/nsofties)


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